Thoughts on Suicide and the Afterlife (from We Are Never Alone)

By Anthony Quinata

We-Are-Not-AloneQ. My son died of suicide, depressed, and addicted. What was his life review like? Was he instantly healed of those issues or does he have something to do before he finds peace? Is he okay now?

A. First of all I want to thank you for having the courage to ask this question. As I said before, suicide is the skeleton in all of our closets. I’m going to answer your questions from the point of view of my experience as a medium, dealing with suicides, and not as a counselor or therapist.

Whenever I have a session during which a soul who has crossed himself over comes through, one of the first things he wants to assure his loved ones of is the fact that he is at peace and safely in the arms of God. Whatever torment caused him to choose to end his live here no longer exists for him on the Other Side. Souls have said that the Eternal Light of Love understands that those who take their own lives didn’t want to die as much as they wanted only to end their torment. These souls simply don’t have the strength or desire to continue any longer in this life than they have to. Many of these precious souls have said during my sessions with them that even though they functioned in a way that allowed them to get through the day “normally,” their mental torment was a huge factor in their decision.

Your son was not judged for what he did nor was he condemned to “hell.” It’s quite the opposite, actually. Based on what the souls have said to me before, he may have been taken to a place where he could reflect, and heal, from the anguish that he had endured and had thought there was no way out of. During this time and in this place, there is no one to get in his face, so to speak. His companions during this period will be small creatures such as birds, rabbits, kittens, puppies, cats, and dogs as well as other animals that are there to help the healing process by offering unconditional love to souls such as your son’s.

Only when he is strong enough, will relatives, friends, and guides appear to help him understand and learn what he needs to know to continue on his spiritual journey. Christ also appears, not as a judge, but more as a consoler, helping him through his hurt and confusion over what he’s done.

God doesn’t make mistakes, but understands when we do. The souls have told me over and over that suicide is a mistake on the part of those who have ended their time here in this way. It’s a blunder they committed in their confusion. They take complete responsibility for what they’ve done and insist that there’s nothing for their loved ones, who are still here, to feel guilty about.

Finally, your son would want you to know that you will be reunited with him on the Other Side, when you’ve learned the lessons you’re here to learn, and not see suicide as a way to speed up the reunion. Until then he will continue to be with you as your “guardian angel,” never abandoning you or leaving your side. He will continue doing the best he can to help you understand that everything which happens in this life benefits you in the next—even surviving the tragedy of his suicide.

Q. From what I’ve read, you say that you’ve never heard from a soul who took responsibility for ending its own life express regret over what it had done. Yet, you also say that souls discourage their loved ones from doing the same thing, saying that what they did was a mistake. Is it because suicide is not part of any soul’s plan for when they incarnate in the first place?

A. First of all, let me just say that while the souls who have crossed over by their own hand don’t talk about “regret” with regards to what they did, they understand that it probably wasn’t the best decision on their part. Due to the constant confusion in their lives, many, if not all, of those, who pass by their own hand, thought that the decision to end their lives was a good one. These souls are not judged by the Eternal Light of Love but are treated in a very special way because the anguish they went through was to their spirit as cancer is to the physical body.

For that reason, whenever the souls speak of “regret,” it’s not over anything that they’ve done, but the things that they didn’t do. When they ended their life by their own hand, they also cut short the opportunities to learn from the experiences that life has to offer to us. But as the souls once told me, “When someone doesn’t like himself, his soul
shrivels up.” A woman named Debbie booked an appointment to see me. Even though she paid for a medium session, she wasn’t sure that’s what she needed. “I just felt compelled to call you. I don’t know why, but it was like the spirits wanted me to talk to you.” The last time I had seen her was probably three years before. Since that time she had divorced a man who was mentally and emotionally abusing her, telling her she wasn’t lovable which, unfortunately, she believed. She told me that since her divorce she had tried to take her own life twice in two weeks. The first time she was saved, ironically enough, by her ex-husband. The second time she told me that she knew God was telling her that this wasn’t the right thing to do, so she took steps to get help after she took an overdose of pills. Since she didn’t book an appointment to help her with her grief over losing someone she had loved, I felt the souls wanted me to help her deal with her distress over being alive. I shared with her a little of what the souls have told me about suicide, and I thought I’d share the same with you in this post.

Whenever someone comes across who has taken his own life, one of the ways I know is that his energy is as heavy at it gets. After doing a number of readings in which victims of suicide come through, I’ve come to understand that suicide is a disease that slowly erodes the person’s will to live. For most of us, when we experience times that make us question how much more we can take, we respond by developing ways of coping until the pain passes or we overcome whatever obstacles are in our way. For these precious souls however, they just don’t seem to be able to do that. I don’t think it’s because of a weakness in their character. In fact, it may be the opposite . . . they may just be too good for this world. Whatever the reason, they aren’t able to develop the protective barrier around themselves that they need to withstand the trials and tribulations we must all face during our life here. When this happens, they choose to learn the lessons they need in a world of peace. I have never had a soul that chose this route say that it regretted its decision, but every one of them cautioned their loved ones against doing the same. Why? Because the lessons are so much easier to learn here.

Darlene wanted to take her own life because she felt unlovable. She married a man who constantly reinforced this belief. The lesson she’s meant to learn is that she is lovable. She was created by the Eternal Light of Love who finds her impossible not to love, especially in her darkest moments. If she were successful in either one of her attempts, she would still have to learn why she’s lovable, ironically, in an environment in which she is surrounded and supported by God’s love. In other words, she’ll find herself overwhelmed by love, not knowing why, because she crossed over not believing she was worthy of being loved. Not only that, but she’ll have to learn why without the benefit of anyone getting in her face.

What I did with Debbie that night was to have her question whether she truly was unlovable. “I see you the same way God sees all of his children,” I told her. “I see you as perfect, just the way you are. What’s not to love?” I then helped her find all the reasons she is lovable. She left our appointment shining with joy and hope. “Besides,” I told her, “You still have lessons to learn and to teach others.” “How do you know?” she asked me. “You’re still breathing.”

[This blog post is excerpted from the book from We Are Never Alone, publishing by 4th Dimension Press (an imprint of A.R.E. Press) and available at]

Anthony_Quinata_011813_croppedAnthony Quinata is a gifted medium, speaker, and author. Anthony is furthering his work with this new work that reads as a Q&A to the spirits on the other side, covering 52 topics in a discussion format that is both readable and dynamic. Questions answered from the other side are those that have arisen around his work as a medium. His first book, Communications from the Other Side, is also available from

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30 Responses to Thoughts on Suicide and the Afterlife (from We Are Never Alone)

  1. S E Jay says:

    I just read the excerpt blog from your publishing and it brought tears to my eyes.. after having three suicides in my family and the loss of my Mom two yrs ago, two abusive relationships.. I have come to the point a lot of times of wondering why I am still here. I have no goal in life, I feel I could never have a loving relationship with someone as well just be happy and have a good life. Everything has always been a struggle for me in life, nothing was ever easy, I don’t want to be alone, but I’m too afraid now to try another relationship.. I feel I have nothing to offer and nobody truly understands the pain I have dealt with in my life. I always give 100% of myself to help or be there for anyone, but it is rarely reciprocated in any way that I may need help with something. Sure my help is appreciated, but I always feel the need to make everyone else happy and then I will be satisfied. Like that is my job here on earth. I have been told that I am too good of a person for this society and because of that I am no appreciated by many, which leads me to the part in your blog where you say that some souls are just too good for this world.. when I read that it was like I was reading about myself.. I still have many days when I wish I wasn’t here and I don’t want to live past the age of 70.. I am 51 now…

  2. Lynda Lokey Gresham says:

    Please add me to your mailing list–thnks

  3. Karen Mackey says:

    My husband committed suicide in 1997. I loved him so much and worshiped him. It was so hard the first several years people said that they hoped I would survive. I know he is with me and all the rest of the family. I sleep with his tie, and “we” talk about who he will help the next day, usually our grandson, and his daughter. He leaves me gifts so I know he is around, which I tell him I appreciate. If I had a question, it would be, how much longer can I expect him to be with me?? Dont they have any other things to do on the other side except help us?? Is there no golf, or traveling, or cruising, or wine drinking? Is all that just on this side? Frankly, it just sounds boring to be over there. Best regards, Karen.

  4. Leona Schmidt says:

    I have been at the lowest low and thought about ending my life but then I decided I did not want anyone else especially their very controlling father to be the sole influence in their lives. I divorced him with no self-confidence or self-esteem. The following months I met a man who treated me as an equal and was hired by a man who praised my work and taught me quite a bit, he was always building my confidence albeit without him knowing it. I believe these people came into my life for reason to make me stronger and to value and love myself for who I am. I am healed of the anger towards my ex and found happiness and love of self. It is so freeing when you are positive and happy. I look back on my life and see the times I have been saved and helped and I am grateful. One time I lost my job at 60 and thought who will hire me and then said I will not be afraid. I will get the want-ads and close my eyes and run my finger down the column and when I stop I will call that number. It was an agency who got me an interview for the best job of my life. I stayed until I was 70. Things like that happen to me. Recently I have been hearing spirit. I was crocheting and in my right ear I heard – You will not marry again – I jumped it was so clear. But why was I told that? I am 76 and I would still like to find my life partner.

  5. Kathy Northcott says:

    This is very comforting! Kathy

  6. Julie Reagan says:

    I lost a very big important part of my life, my father to this horrible situation. Every little girl needs their Daddy no matter how old! He suffeIred addiction my entire life, controlling and aggression behavior. I myself since my teenage year have thought about doing it myself,Seemed easier. I don’t understand, I am always questioning why he did it, where is he now, is he better now, does he regret or even feel bad for leaving us? So many questions I need answers too!

  7. Tracia says:

    What about mental illness? When grief is labeled as being chemically imbalanced?

  8. greg says:

    my MOM recently passed over very difficult to deal with any advice would be most help ful

  9. Victoria Cayce ( No kidding) says:

    Thanks for a thoughtful article. I am also a writer and a medium and I appreciate you and your work.

  10. Chris says:

    From my experience in reading about those who come through from the other side,
    they do not necessarily encounter a Christ or God figure as not everyone has those beliefs after all. I have also heard that there is regret and that they miss their loved ones on Earth when they have suicided. But overwhelmingly they assure us that they are okay and will re unite with those they wish to, eventually, on the other side. This is my perception and have had and witnessed many readings from mediums directly i contact with the other side and from my loved ones there as well. There is no judgement but our own….. The messages could not have been fabricated, all too relevant and personal.

  11. Marguerite Ziemba says:

    Looking forward to reading the rest of your book. Having lost a son to suicide, your words are comforting to me. Thank you.

  12. Michelle Loveday says:

    I love your book. I have to be honest in that I hate living in this cruel world and suffer from lack of hope and pain in my heart every day. I have never met anyone in this life that can reciprocate the deep love and devotion I give, when I love someone, I love them with all of me. I genuinely love all people and struggle at how people in Earth treat each other, it makes me sad & I feel everyone’s pain as my own. I struggle every day with having to still be living here on this earth, I yearn for more than this place has to offer. I want to go home, I want to be on the other side of the veil and I question every day why I chose to come here to begin with. The struggles are too much for me here..

    • Debbie says:

      Hi Michelle,
      I think I truly understand how you feel. I also struggle with being in the world, not only with experiences my own great depths of pain, but also that of others. It’s often particularly difficult since many people don’t seem to understand and that creates a sense of isolation, as well as all the other feelings.
      Take care,

    • judy says:

      I really understand your pain and I feel so lost with no direction in sight…I just want to go home….people suck is a term I seem to use often….get a dog is another

  13. Helen Porter says:

    I volunteered with Suicide Prevention for about 8 years. It was sooo rewarding and was the fulfillment of my childhood dream…”If only I could save a life!”
    When I was adult and looking for volunteer work, I was privileged to help many other people find solutions to their problems… each person space to solve their own problems. Two things I learned with Suicide Prevention, as I took the phone calls in my home all hours of the night. LISTEN…just listen and DO NOT try to educate, correct, explain or any of the etceteras. JUST LISTEN and ask questions to keep them talking as they began to find a solution. One question to ask is “If your daughter came to you with the same problem you brought to me, what would you advise your daughter to do?”

    WHOA!!!! I didn’t advise anything. I asked her “what would YOU advise YOUR daughter to do.”

    That got the caller talking and fishing for good solutions for her daughter. It’s the old adage, give a man a fish….feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
    There is a terrible!!!! lie that circulates.
    “If he really was going to kill himself, he wouldn’t be talking about it. He would just
    do it.” DANGER!!!!!!

    Almost every person who commits suicide tells someone first.

    If you want to save a life, LISTEN. LET THEM TALK IT OUT. Do not give advice.
    Just listen.

    Then, if you can…… get them to a professional person or on a suicide prevention hotline. But leave those options as a last resort. If you just listen and ask questions and allow the person to talk about his/her situation….you can save lives that way!!!
    Just LISTEN and do not give solutions or advice.
    It was the middle of the night. The phone rang.
    “Lady, can you give me one good reason why I shouldn’t pull this trigger
    right now?”

    “Yes. It would upset me.”
    Somebody cared.
    When you get right down to the facts, that’s really what every person needs…..
    someone who will just listen, ask suitable questions and allow you to find
    your own solutions to those ghastly problems.

    Thank you for listening to me. LOL

  14. Helen Porter says:

    I volunteered with Suicide Prevention for about 7 years.
    During that time, I learned a lot of effective psychology.
    1. Most people who commit suicide have told someone they were going to do so.
    What to do?…get them talking about it and LISTEN. Just LISTEN.
    2. Ask questions to keep them talking. Let them talk their way out of it.
    3. Never criticize. Just ask questions and listen.
    Do not educate or challenge….One volunteer made the mistake of saying, “You’re not really going to do it. ” BANG—right over the phone.
    Ask questions such as “If your daughter came to you with the problem you brought to me, what would you say to your daughter?”
    Ask questions that make them think.
    All that most of us need is for someone to LISTEN to us and CARE.
    You can save lives that way!

  15. jules says:

    losing my Mom and then my Daughter in this way was and still is difficult to understand…now, these years later, I find some degree of relief in knowing that “all” was meant to be….the Karma from them to me is to my benefit…
    “Nothing ever truly goes away until it has taught us the lesson that needed to be learned”

  16. Debbie says:

    Hi Michelle,
    It’s true: for some of us, the world often feels too painful to live in. We feel our own pain, other’s pain, the world’s pain and, yes, maybe there is something in us that knows some other place where things are much kinder and more gentle.
    You arer’t alone, though you may, as I have many times, feel utterly alone. Many people don’t understand: perhaps they just have better filters.

    I had a few suicide attempts in my early twenties. Then, in my early fifties, I had some years where I drank too much and, in that state, it was easy to take a few too many pills, as well. The feeling was that I just didn’t want to come back.
    I have also had much joy, true joy, in this lifetime, but I wouldn’t want to do any phase of my life over. I try to hang on because there seems to be some other stuff I still need to do and I don’t want to hurt my family.
    Take care,

  17. Jude says:

    Just watched a speech by Karen Peebles that wrote the book, “The Other Side Of Suicide”. Very interesting because my sister took her own life.

  18. louise treat says:

    I feel the same way, since my daughters suicide I am overly sensitive to everything. When I see the cruelty in this world I don’t want to be here either. The killings lately. If it is so perfect in heaven why would you want to stay here? Of course I would never take my life because I know the anguish it causes but I can totally relate.

    • jules says:

      Dearest Louise…I believe I understand your feelings..I too, feel more saddened by what I see and hear in these awful times. Yet I know I need to be here to witness it.
      Truth is, I now think that we are here in exile, from where we came from..only to be taught the lesson we will need for our next assignment.
      Wishing you well in this new year. Jules

  19. david says:

    I am seriously considering ending my life. I feel that it is the only realistic option left. I think God made a mistake in bringing me to this crazy world. Either I am too good for this world, or I simply do not belong here.

    • Jennie says:

      The world needs good people, David. The world needs you.

      • David says:

        Edgar Cayce told us how great it is on the other side. I believe it is so.

        • Jennie says:

          Yes, that’s true. But we came here for a reason, and I believe if we leave before we complete it, we will only have to return to face similar circumstances again.

          • David says:

            Actually, that is one of the few things holding me back. I have studied the Cayce Material fairly extensively over the years, what I have learned on karma and reincarnation is driving some semblance of sanity that keeps me going. I have experienced NDE some years ago, I guess I still have some chores to do yet.

          • Jennie says:

            Wishing you brighter days ahead.

          • David says:

            Thank you Jennie… you too, take care.

  20. Bob Gregory says:

    I dont know how long I can keep myself from this deed. Seems like I cannot find a good reason to live any longer !

  21. Loving Mother says:

    I’ve tried five times to tell my story but I keep being told that I can’t leave my comments because they contain spam, when there’s nothing remotely close.
    I want to die. My kids were taken by an abusive ex who lied and hurt us for more than a decade.

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